Dealing with Feelings

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Question:

Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

I am thirteen years old and just started high school. I did not know what it felt like to like a boy as more than a friend until now. The boy feels the same way as I do. We both come from respectable households and have known each other for a long time.

As soon as I reached puberty, I stopped playing with him. It wasn’t hard until I started going to the same school as him which was last year. That’s when I realised that I had feelings for him. I’m trying to ignore these feelings but they won’t go away, and I know that it’s wrong to like somebody in this way.

I have told my parents and aunty, and they said that I will get over this feeling and I should just focus on my schooling.

What should I do? Please help.

Jazakallah

Answer:

Bismihi Ta‘ala

Wa ‘alaikumus salaam wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

Respected Sister in Islam

We commend you on your honesty in this regard. This is the first step of the solution.

As you grow up and reach the age of puberty, there are biological changes that happen within you. This results in you being attracted to the opposite gender. It is natural and not something abnormal.

The important thing however is how you respond to it. The correct approach is to keep yourself totally away from those people and environments that urge towards wrong. Just as one cannot place butter on a stove and expect it not to melt, it is not possible to be exposed to such environments and expect oneself not to be affected.

Thus, you will need to do the following:

1. Make sincere taubah and beg Allah Ta‘ala to rid you of these feelings.

2. Totally avoid any contact with him.

3. As far as possible, remove his thought from your mind. If it persists, immediately imagine that he has died and his body is in a state of advanced decomposition in the grave.

4. Persuade your parents to take you out of the school and enrol you into a girls’ madrasah. Being in a co-ed environment is extremely detrimental for your Deen. Today it is this boy, tomorrow it can be someone else. Allah Ta‘ala forbid, it must not happen that you give in to your temptation and mess up your life.

5. Start reading the books, Fazaail-e-Aa’maal and Fazaail-e-Sadaqaat for at least 10 minutes daily. 

May Allah Ta‘ala save you from all vice.  

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama