Determining Compatibility with a Prospective Spouse



Assalaamu ‘alaikum

Respected ‘Ulama

Can you please advise me regarding which questions are most important to ask when a boy comes to see a girl? What questions should she ask, and in which way should she assess him?



Bismihi Ta‘ala

Respected Sister

As salaamu ‘alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh

It is reported in the hadeeth that when a person with Deen and good character proposes, one should accept. (Sunan Tirmizi #1084) On a secondary level, other aspects of compatibility will also be considered.

Thus, after having established that the person is sound in his Deen and has good character, the aspect that needs to be determined is whether the couple will be compatible. This is normally ascertained by enquiring from those who are familiar with the person. These aspects cannot be ascertained by merely asking a few questions.

As for seeing the prospective candidate for marriage, the purpose is to see the person and be satisfied with the person’s look and appearance. The girl’s father or some other male relative may ask the necessary questions to determine compatibility. Among the things to check with others is whether he has an anger problem.

May Allah Ta‘ala bless you with a pious and compatible spouse.  

Answered by:

Uswatul Muslimah Panel of ‘Ulama