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Happily Ever After!

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A successful marriage lasts happily ever after. It thrives on correct behaviour and ethical conduct. This in turn is influenced by correct thinking. Therefore correct thinking and attitude play a big role in preparing for the big day and the new life ahead. The lives of the Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum) were a perfect example of correct thought and an Islamic mindset.  

There lived a man by the name of Julaibeeb (radhiyallahu ‘anhu). He was an ordinary man by worldly standards. He was not endowed with the charm and allure that other men had, nor did he hold the social standing that the noble would enjoy. But … he was a man of Imaan and a Companion of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). This was an attribute that far superseded any worldly disadvantage.

Once, Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) spoke to a man of the Ansaar and said, “Give me the hand of your daughter in marriage.” It was the practice of the Ansaar of Madeenah Munawwarah not to get any of their women married unless they had confirmed whether Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) had any interest in marriage at that time or not. They loved Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) dearly and wanted to be part of his physical family just as they were part of his spiritual family. This man was elated for this was a great honour and privilege coming his way.  

“Yes. By all means O Nabi of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). It would be my honour,” was his excited reply. “But it’s not for me,” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) went on to say. “Then for who is it O Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)?” “It’s for Julaibeeb,” came the answer from the blessed mouth of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). The man then said, “O Nabi of Allah, would you mind if I speak to her mother?” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) didn’t mind at all. This was the balance in the outlook of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam); that he did not force his recommendation on anyone. Yes, he would enforce the deen of Allah Ta‘ala by all means.

He went home and addressed his wife thus, “Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) seeks the hand of our daughter in marriage”. He broke the news in the same way that Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) did and her answer was the same as his. She said “Yes by all means.” “But it’s not for him. It’s for Julaibeeb,” continued the husband. She said “WHAT? Is it for Julaibeeb? NEVER EVER! Is it that man? NOT IN MY LIFE! We will never allow this to go through. How can we accept HIM when we rejected the proposal of many a suitor? Is he the only option???” She was a mother after all. Which mother wouldn’t want the best for her child?

The Ansaari girl sat all the while listening to the heated exchange between her parents. Her father lost hope of furthering the discussion. He had just got up to leave when a voice rang out. “WHO sent the proposal?” The voice belonged to the girl for whom the proposal had come. “The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam),” was the reply. 

This was merely the recommendation of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). However in her life, the wish and desire of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) took the place of a command.

Thus her spontaneous response was: “How can you reject the command of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam)? If Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) is happy with Julaibeeb, then marry me off to him.” She went on to say, “I am happy and satisfied and I totally submit to whatever Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) likes for me.” Saying this she recited the verse of Surah Ahzaab (v36) “It does not befit a male or female believer, when the decision of Allah Ta‘ala and his messenger has been passed, to have any option in the matter.” She then said, “Marry me to Julaibeeb (radhiyallahu ‘anhu). The recommendation of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) will never dampen my future!”

Her reply sparkled with the true spirit of imaan and Islam and impacted her parents. They were impressed and they relented. Not because of parental love and biological affection but because of the noor (lustre) of her words. They said, “You are right. You have spoken the truth.”

Her father returned to Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) filled with the same spirit. “O Messenger of Allah! If you are happy with him then we are happy with him.” 

What happened next was the most fabulous thing under the sun. Something everybody longs for. Some travel great distances to holy lands and undergo mammoth difficulties to obtain it. Some take the pain to try patiently on auspicious occasions for years before they secure it. Some give up their folks and abandon their beloved homelands searching for it and seeking it. It’s a priceless commodity, a coveted asset and a key to all good. It’s nothing but a du‘aa from the blessed lips of the most beloved of Allah Ta‘ala’s creation. She never asked for it. She earned it. She earned a sign of the pleasure and approval of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). “O Allah! Do pour all good on her and make her life on this planet a pleasure.” She secured a most comprehensive supplication encompassing all good. There was no doubt in its acceptance. It was only a matter of time before it would manifest itself. But … she got it on the plate. She secured in moments what others would get in years. Talk of express service. All by virtue of her correct thinking. 

The marriage took place and life carried on. Once Julaibeeb (radhiyallahu ‘anhu) signed up with the Muslim Army and joined them for the expedition. Allah Ta‘ala had blessed the Muslims with victory. When the dust had settled and the battle was over Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) enquired, “Is there anyone missing?” “Indeed there are a few,” the companions replied and they proceeded to name them. “But is there anyone else?” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) asked. “No,” came the reply. “But I don’t see Julaibeeb anywhere. Where is he? Look for him among the martyrs.” They went out and found him lying dead besides the bodies of seven people whom he had killed. They returned and said, “O Messenger of Allah. There he lies to the side of seven whom he killed until he was killed.”

Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) proceeded to the ground where his body lay and expressed his appreciation for the services rendered to Islam by this nobody of society. He, (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) announced “Julaibeeb belongs to me and I belong to him. He is part of me and I am part of him.” Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) then carried his body in his blessed arms until his grave was dug. Allah Ta‘ala blessed him with this honour that the blessed arms of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) carried him instead of the tradional bier.

His name became one of prestige, for this action of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) caused his rankings in society to rise and his honour to increase. Over and above the honour of martyrdom, this consideration of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) was another feather in his cap.

In the bigger picture, all this had served towards the honour of this blessed girl who had submitted her thinking to the preference of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). There remained no woman among the Ansaar who was more highly sought after than her. She was now a living answer and physical testament to the du‘aa of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam). Her life on this earth was a bliss and she moved on to the Hereafter to enjoy the luxury of Jannah, happily ever after. (Reference: Musnad Ahmad #19784, #12393 and Usdul Ghaabah 1/334)

Undoubtedly, thinking and attitude has its effect on a marriage, way before the wedding. It impacts on the type of person we choose and the style of wedding we hold. Similarly it has a telling effect on our lives as a couple till death do us part.

Let us submit our choices and preferences in all aspects of our lives, especially in our marriages, to the ways and preferences of Nabi (sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam) and his Sahaabah (radhiyallahu ‘anhum). In this way our marriages will last happily ever after.